It's so hard sometimes..

I just finished having a huge talk with my mom. There's so much that i want/need financially over the next little while, and im so worried i wont be able to do it. My car needs new tires REALLY bad. The back two have almost no tread left and one is leaking so much that I have to fill it up every 2 weeks (and even that's waiting too long). I refuse to put new tires on a car that's 15 yrs old when my goal is to have a new (to me) car within the next 8 months.

I dont know yet if i'll get hired at whitby. Everyone keeps telling me that they think I will. I know that i've done amazingly well during my 8 months there, and that i'll get my A for school, but I want a job. I put in my resume over 2 weeks ago and havent heard anything yet. And even if i do get hired i wont be able to start apparently until the very end of April, when I can prove that i've met all of the requirements to graduate (that's no problem). I dont even like going into Frontenac anymore. There's SOO much aggression and no respect at all from the kids. I've really been spoiled with all of that at whitby. It's just so much safer there.

It's really frustrating to see my sister get handed money every time she comes home. 'oh she needs to do laundry' yeah, but laundry doesnt cost a couple hundred. I work hard, I get the good grades. Im in school 40 hours a week, so getting in actual work shifts on top of that is REALLY hard. I'm trying to get my business really going. I just feel like I work so hard and never really have anything to show for it in the end. It seems as though she does nothing, fails classes, is only in school 2.5 days a week and isnt working and gets the money just handed to her. It's hard. I could never be like that. I know that I have to work to support myself. I know damn well that no one else is gonna do it for me, partly because they're too busy doing it all for her. I honestly resent her. and that's a horrible feeling.

And then my mom goes on to tell me that my father (who's diabetic) is having trouble with his circulation. Which means trouble. That really doesnt help how im feeling right now. I just want to cry and cry and cry. and so that's what im doing. I know it could be worse. Lots of things could, but you cant tell me that this isnt hard.

Sometimes I just think that life would just be easier if everything was handed to me on a silver platter.

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Keepin it alive! - 2006-02-05
i've moved on... - 2005-11-02
who knows... - 2005-09-18
Were no longer together. - 2005-09-01
Happy - 2005-08-11